Smug Vegan Twat
Veganism: Kill Yourself To Save The World
Tuesday, Apr 19, 2016 by: Adam Michaels, The Health Deranger

If you have a vegan friend, then most of the information in this article will probably have been relayed to you by them, over and over and over again, because veganism has long been thought to switch on certain genes, one of them being the Smugness Gene.  And now to make matters worse, recent studies reported in the Proceedings of the National Institute of Science (PNIS) have concluded that a vegan diet is the only way that the world will be able to sustainably feed itself in the long term, so now not just content with supposedly being healthier than carnivores, vegans can now claim that they are helping to save the world.

Not so rosy outlook

However there is a chink in the vegan's armour and a ray of hope in combating the relentless tide of vegan smugness: Scientists at Cornell University have realised that long term vegetarianism can lead to genetic mutations that leave the salad munchers susceptible to inflammation which in turn can raise the risk of heart disease and cancer.  Scientists have concluded that the mutation occurred to make it easier for vegetarians to absorb essential fatty acids from plants, which has the knock-on effect of boosting the production of arachidonic acid, a chemical that is linked to inflammatory disease and cancer. When coupled with a diet high in vegetable oils the mutant veggies quickly turn fatty acids into dangerous arachidonic acid with the end result that vegetarian populations are nearly 40 per cent more likely to suffer colorectal cancer than meat eaters, something that has puzzled doctors since they are always banging on about how red meat accumulates in the colon and gives you butt cancer.

So the next time your vegan friend is acting far too smug for their own good, you can now take them down a peg or two with the knowledge that their lifestyle will end up with them bleeding from their bumholes and they won't be around any more to bore you with their self-satisfied claptrap.