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Recent single blind studies by reputable Scientists at the Apostolic Prophetic Bible College & Theological Seminary have shown that the Myrtle Responsive Quartel Senility vaccine causes Lycanthropy in children. Initial results show that the mixture of formaldehyde and chicken dung extract used in the vaccine passes microbial mytochondrial DNA to underdeveloped infant rhizomes.
The vaccine, originally developed by the big pharma funded chemistry department at the Miskatonic University is supposedly a miracle cure for early onset dementia in infants. The Miskatonic University is well known to be a hot bed of Illuminati controlled Satanism, a fact that lead the Bible College scientists to investigate the recent surge of children infected with Lycanthropy in the area.
Lycanthropy is a disease common amongst canines and certain species of domestic chicken particularly those favoured by Voodoo cultists. Symptoms include swelling of the hands and feet and excessive hair growth in areas normally covered with felinal or normal hair. At this time the only cure other than Antibiotics (manufactured by Miskatonic Pharma) is a fecal transplant from an uninfected individual. Uropathy is known to be an effective early stage remedy and if you suspect that you may be infected it is advised that you drink a quart of horse urine per day, diluting with water by half for every week that has passed until the symptoms clear.
Natural Newd will be doing everything in it's power to bring Miskatonic Pharma to justice. We have notified Jenny McCarthy of the situation and she has promised to do everything in her power to make the public aware of this heinous crime against humanity.