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As a parent I have recently been suffering at the hands of my child's constant complaints about an ear infection. A visit to our paediatrician ended up fruitless as it turned out the little tyke was feigning the whole thing. Then I remembered this amazing parenting tip that was something my grandma used back in the day.
First get yourself a sock and about half a kilo of salt (that's 1 pound for those still stuck in their grandparent's era)
Next you need to pour the salt into the sock and tie the end off as shown.
For added effectiveness in the technique, you must now heat up the salt filled sock up to the point where it almost unbearable to hold.
Finally smack your child around the ear with the salt filled sock. If the technique is not immediately successful in stopping them complaining about faux-illness, then repeat as necessary, taking care not to kill your child, as this may result in unwanted spell in prison (although you may be able to plead insanity for having taken health advice from the internet and believed it to be true).