20th Century Violent Video Games Making a Comeback.
Tuesday, Jul 14, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

While the world worries about teenagers hiring simulated prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto or smoking Skooma (virtual crack) in Skyrim before going to school and murdering countless gingers most are unaware that a more sinister form of video game related violence is returning to the world.

Remember Mario? The guy who encourages children to eat magic mushrooms and beat up wildlife? What about Double Dragon? The game that encouraged countless youth to wear white jeans and smack each other with poles? Even worse is the sinister Zelda, in which the child playing the game is lead to believe that it is OK to dress like a transvestite hippy while hanging out on forums like 4chan.

Unfortunately for the world these games are being reintroduced to society by online arcade sites who by some extreme voodoo that only autistic programmers are capable of conjuring have brought these evil games to the realm of the web browser. It is now possible for children to play these satanic games right from Internet Explorer in school computer labs. The consequences of these developments are grave. Not only is there going to be an increase in school murders and hatred towards ginger children due to the easy availability of games like "Mortal Kombat" which encourages ripping out the hearts of gingers and Chinese people, but also a new wave of brainwashing leading to increased acceptance of genetically Modified Organisms like Sonic the Hedgehog and Ecco the Dolphin.

It is a well known fact that during the 90's many children went mad or even killed themselves because they were unable to complete Super Mario 3. Those that avoided mental illness mostly turned to cannabis for release from the anxiety caused by the drug taking plumber. Another concern is that these games are known to encourage autism and are often cited as the leading cause of autism and ADHD after the MMR vaccine.

Keep your children safe readers. As a parent I would encourage you to let your children play with malachite crystals and phallic shaped sticks to keep them mentally healthy.