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The coveted glow of youth was an easy thing to achieve under the age of 30. Waking from a heavy night binge drinking with the foul stench of kebab on your breath you still looked good. Life was Easy.
Then your 30th birthday passed.
According to experts ‘WTF happened to me’ is a common complaint. ‘Life becomes complicated once you have abused your body and it starts to show at a rapid rate once you hit thirty-five. The kebab no longer agrees with you and your face has the look of a shrivelled leather handbag that's been trapped between elevator doors once too often.’
With so many creams and potions full of weird chemicals to slap onto your skin, fancy science formulas would help you achieve that glow. It can be hard to resist the constant moisturising ritual, but who knows what on earth those evil companies are putting into those formulas? There are many kinder things to add to your skin to help achieve a youthful complexion. It is easy, and they are all found around your home.
- Thick, Green and slimy with various oils and rich in the powerful anti-oxidant vitamin E. Mash it up into a spreadable paste and smear onto face, paying careful attention to those deep lines you have amassed. Leave on for seven days; no one will see your face for a whole week.
- Porridge Oats
- Another proven food which you will find sitting in the kitchen cupboard, if you remembered to add it to your shopping list the previous week. Mix with water so that it resembles wallpaper paste, just before the concrete stage, spread over face also good for hands. Leave on face and hands for seven days to having everyone guessing your true age.
- Fresh Fruit & Vegetables
- Eating fresh fruit and vegetables keeps the bowels in constant motion, thus, increasing the size of the hole from our protective ozone layer with your poisonous gasses. Eating natural every day will slow the ageing process, have you ever seen an old cow?
- Pegs from your washing Line
- Depending on age, pegs are a valuable asset we recommend from the age thirty-five, pin back the outer corners of a drooping face with six pegs. Forty years of age, increase peggage to around twenty. Fifty onward increase the peggage dramatically for a smooth, line free face.