Parking Attendant Voodoo Doll
How to Dispatch Off Parking Attendants With Voodoo Dolls
Wednesday, Jun 03, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

Generally in life it is good to live and let live. There are a few cases however where this rule can be broken. Parking attendants are one exception to this rule. Few people know that parking attendants are a special branch of the Illuminati, collecting funds for chemtrail factories by extracting money from innocent parents who have left their car for just a few moments in order to visit the marital aid store or even to drop their kids at school.

It is unknown why people become parking attendants but it is believed that this is a job that only a special few are destined to do. When a child is born a lot can be gleaned from any birthmarks they may bare. Midwives are known to secretly check every baby for specific markings, in this case future parking attendants are normally born with wine stain in the shape of Nero's (the Roman emperor) head. If this mark is discovered the child is replaced with an orphan and shipped to the nearest Illuminati lodge where it will be groomed for its future role as a henchman of the illuminati.

There is a way to fight back however but it is only for the strong willed. First you will need to acquire a voodoo doll. This is easily done and I recommend using a cheap one like this Revenge Voodoo Doll from Amazon. Don't let the fact that it was made in China fool you. A Chinese voodoo doll when used correctly is just as potent as one from Haiti. If you are good at arts and crafts you can dress your doll in a parking attendants clothes, complete with a mini high visibility vest. Keep this doll in your car and whenever you need to park illegally simply say these words three times: "Parking money made from honey, the attendants guts are really runny." Now stab the voodoo doll right in the gut. This will cause any parking attendants in the area to come down with a sudden case of the squits and you will be free to park wherever you want for the rest of the day.

Please be careful readers. You should not use this on your loved ones although it does also work on debt collectors, the tax man and dentists.