Mung Bean Epedemic
Totnes Town Experiences Record High Methane Levels
Monday, May 18, 2015 by: Cedric Cedarwood, Environmental Activist

Legendary alternative transition town Totnes is facing the onset of disaster due to a recent greenhouse gas emission survey which conclusively shows methane emissions to be at an all time high. The issue appears to stem from mung bean abuse amongst the local residents. Mung beans are well known to form the deadly greenhouse gas within the bowels of humans and animals alike. Mung bean consumption in the town is at an all time high. Many residents have even resorted to feeding their whippets vegan friendly animal food composed mostly of mung beans and cabbage. While this keeps them in line with the Town's strict and necessary dietary regulations it is also producing unreasonable amounts of the gas.

A prominent local organic farm situated near a ford in the river has had to start selling off land as the external methane regulators move in for the kill. Over production of mung beans has also taken it's toll on the once revered organic soil. Not only is the soil suffering but local yoghurt businesses are also set to shut down due to atmospheric conditions causing a lack of oxygen which is required in order for good weaving yoghurt to be produced.

With the situation as it is many local residents are gathering at five rythms classes determined to make a change happen from within. Dancing is believed to disperse methane by sending positive vibrations into the atmosphere in order to counteract the etherial properties of the gas.

Local legend has it that one day three children will climb into a wardrobe and appear in the town center where they will convene at a local shop called The Sad Pear. Here they will unite with the natives who will lead them to the great lion who runs a popular Xi Gong class. Together they will unite the people and dispell toxicity from the countryside.

This may or may not happen but our thoughts remain with all those affected by this epedemic.