Apathy Spray
Mounting Enthusiasm for New Apathy Spray
Monday, Mar 21, 2016 by: Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer

Have you noticed how there are so many people walking around in a constant state of not giving a damn, but you seem to be the only one who actually gives a sh*t? You are not alone in feeling left out of the mass apathy that seems to be affecting everyone you encounter. This is because most apathy sufferers have been consuming large amounts of junk food laced with chips.

The condition is widely known as "Mass Apathy Hysteria" and is brought on with chips that are invisible to the naked eye and go unnoticed into the eager, apathetic mouth. However, those unaffected can now be part of the growing trend and sink into the can’t be botheredness, while not giving a sh*t.

‘Many keen apathy sufferers have said, enjoyment doesn’t matter to them and they are happy with that.’ - Apathy Annual Post-It-Note

However, that does not help the non-apathetic among us, who are eager to fit in and also become unresponsive to the world; support is out there for those unaffected and can help toward gathering feelings of detachment. Many people are eager to try the spray to recreate lack of involvement, if eating chips have had no effect.

According to sources, scientists have harnessed a mixture to guarantee apathy will affect everyone, with every meal.

‘The Apathy spray goes by the name of Indifference and contains 3 vital ingredients: ‘Whatever’, ‘If you Like’ and ‘Who Cares’. This neat, little bottle of spray will have you not giving a sh*t about anything in less than two hours. The fast acting spray will also help you become an expert with that eye roll and will aide you with lethargy and finally, self-destructive fatigue. The downside with the spray it’s quick to wear off, so it’s important to eat regular meals and spray some Indifference into your next meal, to maintain your lack of interest.’ - Institute of ‘Meh’