Die Wors
4 Gateway Meats That Vegans Should Avoid
Wednesday, May 20, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

As a vegan/vegetarian you may sometimes find that you are tempted to eat a hot juicy meat sausage. Do not give in to the temptation, much healthier and tastier options exist. If you fight your inner carnivore the feeling of reward that you receive is far more enjoyable than a bit of pork between two baps. There are some meats (known as gateway meats) that all vegans and vegetarians should resist at all costs. They are meats designed to suck in your soul and make you abandon all morality. I have compiled a list of these meats below so that you know to give them a wide berth. If encountered you should get at least 6 feet away as these meats contain pheromones.

  1. Bacon - This ancient demon meat lures innocent vegans in with her seductive aroma of burned flesh and wood smoke.
  2. Parma/Serrano Ham - From ancient Rome, this dried pork product has been known to convert raw foodists. It is a dry cured meat, thus uncooked. This is something easily tempted raw foodists may attempt to slip under the radar. Just like marijuana results in heroin abuse in a matter of days, Parma ham will have a raw foodist eating cooked meat by sundown.
  3. Smoked Brisket - Beef brisket has been known to lure vegetarians through woods and fields from up to ten miles from its point of origin. There is no escaping this. Give it a wide berth of 12 miles between you and the nearest smoked brisket.
  4. Boerewors - A South African invention. Like most African sausages boerewors is long with a wide girth. It has been known to convert even the most hardcore vegans to meat eater status. All it takes is a single spatter of juice from this thick and tasty sausage and you will become a meat demon. I cannot warn you enough against this.

Stay safe brothers and sisters of the light and avoid swallowing meat juice.