Cosmic Reiki Voyage to the Stars
New Age Author's Light Body Discovered Orbiting Uranus
Saturday, May 16, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

Our mole at the JPL space rocket laboratory (Jack Parson's Labs) recently confirmed that the secretive organisation was covering up an incredible discovery made by one of their probes situated near Uranus.

In late March 2015 the NASA probe Feelinger Zero which was built by JPL made contact with an unidentified flying object which appeared to be orbiting around the rim of Uranus' upper atmosphere. The scientists at the lab were apparently astounded by the discovery and moved their probe in for a closer look.

Using the standard (although secret) procedure of communicating with coloured lights and sine waves they were further astounded and somewhat dissapointed to find that they had not made contact with a previously undiscovered species of extra terrestrial . What they did find however was much more embarrasing to the scientific establishment. After  successfully establishing a communication channel using spectral vibrations on a fourth dimensional frequency they learned that the UFO was not a UFO after all but rather the Light Body of renowned light worker Phillis Light Serpent. Phillis, a world famous reiki healer had undertaken an expedition to hide a crystal egg deep inside Uranus and was on her way back to Earth in order to give a series of reasonably priced workshops from her humble Ashram in Maui.

We reached out to Phillis who is currently in hiding due to fears that the Illuminati will want to experiment on her. She believes that JPL has not made any effort to publish the details of the contact and has in fact kept it away from the public eye because they are afraid their discovery would undermine the scientific establishment and it's efforts to keep humanity in the dark ages. The JPL was founded on scientific method alone and nobody in it's history has ever believed that there may be more going on in the world than meets the eye.

Phillis wishes all our readers to know that she is safe and that she is currently cleansing her chakras to remove the presence of the probe's vibration by taking a series of ritual baths in cows urine.