One in Ten People Who Wear Earrings Get Cancer
Saturday, May 16, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

New research has shown that 1 in 10 people who wear earrings or have piercings will contract cancer.  After analysing hundreds of medical records researchers at the Earthnet Online University have discovered that earrings do in fact cause cancer. While I have not worn earrings since the 1980's this is great cause for alarm for jewellry wearers everywhere.

Not much is known why earrings cause cancer but statistics show that they do. Out of the 210 records surveyed almost every earring wearer over the age of 93 contracted cancer. It also seems likely that people who wore earrings in their youth will get dementia in their old age. The statistics did not bode well for younger people either with at least one out of ten earring wearers contracting some sort of cancer before they died.

There are still many questions that need to be answered but one thing is sure, a pierced ear or even scrotum could lead to cancer later in life. The researchers at Earthnet Online University are also researching the possibility that earrings can make one prone to sunburn. At least four out of every ten people surveyed had at some point contracted severe sun burn and needed to use a big pharma brand after sun lotion to sooth their pain.

Could there be a link between big pharma and the global earring manufacturing consortium? There is certainly evidence to back it up. While we learn more about this developing story be sure to take precautions. Several authoratitive sources recommend homeopathic urine pills to ward off the effects earrings have on your body. Be safe dear readers and grab yourself a bottle.