Dihydrogen Monoxide - Further Warnings
Friday, Jun 12, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

The internet is much ablaze with the revelation that chemtrails contain the nasty substance Dihydrogen Monoxide. Many readers have commented on its deadly properties and at least one paid shill has come out in support of this forsaken substance. We advise our readers to be cautious. The safest course of action is not to breathe. Failing that you could always buy a cheap gas mask and a bikini and hope for the best.

Reader Anonymice notes:

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

While The_Monarch says:

My friend died of Dihydrogen Monoxide poisoning. I know that the doctors claim that it was the tree he hit with his car, but I know he was always drinking it because he said he "needed it" for athletic events and that's what killed him.

 Everythingisachoice says:

100% of known serial killers and mass murderers consumed Dihydrogen Monoxide in their regular diets.

International_Local a paid shill for the DHMO lobby tried to paint a lighter picture with:

Despite the serious hazards of DHMO, it still can be applied safely to the human skin, as a decontaminant (associated with some human-safe detergent), with care to avoid excessive exposure. For this application, DHMO application is usually tied to its previous heating, to a degree deemed comfortable by the subject.

Some studies show that the female humans can benefit from a direct, pressurized stream of warm DHMO to the crotch area. Experiments suggest that this form of DHMO application can have positive effects on the libido.

DHMO is also safe for human ingestion, provided the dosage is not excessive and the DHMO was subject to a previous purification process. The safest way to ingest DHMO is to perform it via ethanol-associated liquids. This method guarantees the purity of DHMO and will ensure it will not cause harm to the subject.

Watch this space for more information as it becomes available.