A sufferer of terminal baldness.
Miracle Cure For Baldness
Thursday, May 28, 2015 by: Barry Hummus, Uropathist and Scatologist

There comes a time in every man's life where he weeps into his pillow and finally accepts that he is bald. Previously thought of as an incurable disease it is now known that baldness (unless caused by exposure to chemtrails) is completely curable. Many will tell you that a cure for baldness does not exist when in fact the answer is inside every one of us. Dr Prateep Pashmuri of the International Society for Uropathy recently unveiled his miracle cure. After years of tireless work Prateep has uncovered what he deems to be a miracle of pseudoscience. Inspired by the tragic death of his father who succumbed to baldness at the age of 93 Prateep became determined to save men from this deadly ailment.

Prateep determined that the cause of baldness was not overproduction of testosterone even though one of the more common side effects is an overwhelming urge to buy a sports car.  In fact the true cause of the ailment is a lack of urine particles on the human scalp. After looking at thousands of drawings of primitive man he realised that not a single Neanderthal in any scientific journal appeared to be bald. After some thought he came to the conclusion that prehistoric men were different some how. It became clear that as we evolved and became more efficient at making tools hair started to vanish from the human body. This effect which he calls "The Defoliculising" became even more prevalent with the advent of the flushing toilet. After deciding that this was not a coincidence he hypothesised that the more intellectually advanced human beings became the less they tended to be covered in their own urine.

There is strong evidence of this in human genital areas. Most men and women still have thick manes of pubic hair in their nether regions. This, Prateep surmised is because of a phenomenon known as "splashback", where urine particles escape the main stream and bond with the areas around your genitals. It is believed that this is amplified by "aftersquirt" which happens after one has already pulled on their underpants. A short blast of urine will exit ones urethra and cover their undergarments with high quality urine particles which in turn seed the growth of pubic hair.

This information epiphany resulted in Prateep's simple but effective cure for baldness.  Rubbing "aftersquirt" or even mid stream urine particles into your scalp every morning after your first trip to the ablutions will result in total recuperation of hair particles over a period of 6 months. We encourage any reader suffering from baldness, terminal or otherwise to engage in this new regime of hair loss management for their own longevity.