Latest News

Tue 23, Aug - Adam Michaels, The Health Deranger
Scots throughout the world are in shock today after scientists have proven that playing the bagpipes is not just annoying for those in the vicinity, but will lead to the eventual death of the player.  An unnamed 61 year old man from Manchester was the most recent victim of what is being dubbed "bagp...
Sat 20, Aug - Adam Michaels, The Health Deranger
A revolutionary breakthrough therapy for depression sufferers could lead to an end to long term mental illness, saving the NHS millions in expensive psychiatrist wages and help boost the economy with the total elimination of depression related absences from work.  As reported in NewsThump, the new t...
Tue 16, Aug - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
Onions – Have a long tradition of making you smell great and is a natural cure for when you have that ‘overcrowded’ feeling. You can guarantee the humble Onion will give you the space you need, anytime. Added to almost every meal globally, for many years. The potent root veg. not only stinks, but ta...
Sun 26, Jun - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
Blueberry Muffins
As ‘cake culture’ takes over in many workplaces, it is evident that dreadful things are happening to many workers’ teeth, and the increasing waistlines have been known to hinder office workers’ ability to reach the desk. Brett Dunning, office cake muncher was left mortified when he was hand-picked t...
Wed 22, Jun - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
An angry emoji head sitting in the corner of an undisclosed emoticon box jumped at the chance to join a new experiment of self-awareness in the hope of seeking some improvement to the existing ranting face displayed. Unaware for a number of years and stuck with the same red, irate expression, a fel...
Thu 9, Jun - Alfonso Studebaker
Keep calm and carry on muff diving
New research studies carried out by scientists at State University of New York city have come to the conclusion that going down town to tongue the bearded clam can help those involved avoid cancer.  Hormonal agents such as the DHEA hormonal agents and "the love drug" oxytocin are produced whenever c...
Sat 4, Jun - Ben J. Johnson, Staff Writer
Crocs and Socks!
Long ridiculed by anyone with a sense of fashion the Croc shoe is hailed by it's champions as being the most comfortable beach attire for your foot imaginable, but recent research by eminent podiatrists have recently lead to doctors warning that wearing Crocs for any length of time can lead to a num...
Mon 23, May - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
Cartoon Anvil stickers are to be placed on all Gluten-free food packaging. The bold, Green cartoon Anvil picture will be the new symbol to represent a product that is free from Gluten. It is hoped the words Gluten-free will be phased out within the next 6 months and replaced with a big cartoon stick...
Sat 14, May - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
Sitting in a recently decorated Hummus bar waiting in anticipation for his date to arrive, Todd wonders how he has gone through life escaping a bowl of Hummus. But, today his first time has arrived. According to sources, 26-year-old Waste Management Technician has only eaten normal food and sees Hum...
Fri 6, May - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
Juice Bar
On a summer’s day in London, England, and unusually hot for the month of May, what could be refreshing than a nice shot of cold Juice? Blended fruits, vegetables, herbs, and spices that have been put together to produce a unique flavour.  The weekly Juice Crawl is a way people can meet with fellow R...
Wed 4, May - Nellie G. Speck, Staff Writer
A fan of salad, Edward from an undisclosed area, USA has come forward to admit he has been responsible for the ‘Bottom of the Fridge Tomatoes’ that has been added to all Red based sauces. The Tomato Sauce scenario has been going on for a number of years, but Ed, despite his Tomatoes laying wasted ev...
Thu 28, Apr - Adam Michaels, The Health Deranger
Hirsute Hero or Dangerous Deviant?
The enormous beard has become something of fashion accessory these days, with Hipsters from Hoxton sporting them alongside a fashion sense that leaves most everyday people wondering what on earth they are thinking.  It used to be the domain of Victorian gentlemen, Lumberjacks and certain devout reli...
Alternative News Headlines from across the web, updated hourly